21 Days

It has been three LONG weeks since I started this. 21 single days, some better than others. This morning when I got on the scale for my “official” weigh in I was down 6.5 pounds. I was pretty happy about that. We all want to see results. One thing that has really helped me stay focused has been the thought of my reward day. It’s finally approaching. Saturday the 28^th is the day where I set all of this aside and live as if I don’t have to watch everything that goes into my body. For one day only I will have chips and glorious liquid cheese and I will even possibly have an enchilada! Mmmm… Mexican food. J Then on Sunday the 29^th I will be right back here, eating right and losing some weight.  Yesterday, my boss and friend told me that I should not reward myself with food. She said its setting me up for disaster. She may even be right but I’m not ready to reward myself with new clothes or shoes. I want Mexican food, OK? I really think that on day 25 I should be able to have whatever I want and if that is liquid cheese and chips then that is what I will have. Maybe when I’m down 20-30 pounds I’ll go get myself some new pants or something but for now its food. I’ve set my next reward day to be Saturday October 26^th. If I can stay on track to lose 2 pounds per week I am hoping to be down around 15 pounds by then (maybe even a little more) who knows! I have not decided what that reward day will consist of but I’m already looking forward to it.

20-Days

Well I am 20 days in and I wish I could say “Hey! Look at my awesome waist line!” then give a great big thumb up… but I can’t and I won’t LOL! I’ve really not much to brag about. I have lost a solid 6 pounds even though my weigh in day isn’t technically until tomorrow. 6 pounds in 3 weeks isn’t bad at all. As much as I would LOVE to say hey I’ve lost 20 pounds and I could probably hit a fad diet hard and accomplish just that… in a few months I would be right back here blogging again about how sad I am that I gained all that weight back. It’s ok though, slow and steady wins the race. I’m slowly seeing the pounds come off and I’m seeing the results even more in how my clothes are fitting. My pants cut me in half no more! (Insert big smile here) in fact in case I didn’t mention it, on Friday I wore a pair of jeans to work that just a few weeks ago I could hardly button and guess what. Not only did they button but they were loose! I mean really loose, like, don’t have to unbutton me to pull me down loose… Like saggy butt in the backside view loose. That was a very exciting feeling. Sometimes it really isn’t about the number on the scale right. Ha!

Now about food, you know I’ve been annoyingly religious about my eating habits and so this week I’ve changed it up from all the grilled meats. Last night I made a pot roast for tonights dinner and I’ve also got a turkey meatloaf planned for this week. I’ve got some chicken to grill as well. I think it’s going to be a good week. I’m looking forward to some variety. Mike is also helping by looking for good snacks for me. This weekend we added pecans, pork rinds, and sugar free Jell-O cubes. They were all perfect for how I’m eating… I’ve incorporated these items into my menu in individual snack sizes. So before breakfast on my way to work this morning I ate one serving of pecans. Then I will have my breakfast at 7:30-8am as usual. This rids me of that starving feeling I’ve been having between 5-8am. Around 10:30 I’ll have a serving of my pork rinds and that should push me through to lunch and also help me regain some of the sodium I lose due to drinking so much water. (I drink about 124 oz per day) Then at 12 I will have lunch and around 2:30 I’ll have my protein shake as usual followed by dinner around 5-5:30. This puts me eating anywhere from 5-6 times a day… I’m told this is really good. I don’t know as I’ve not really eaten this way before. I’m going to see how it goes this week.

I’m also not going to put too much pressure on myself to exercise. There is no reason why I’m not doing it. I’m just not mentally ready yet. I know that might sound odd and you might say that well think about how much you could be losing if you were actually moving your butt. Well I will have you know I do think about that and it causes me lots of guilt… every single day. BUT, I can’t force myself to do it. I need to want to do it. Otherwise it will be something else I fail at. I don’t want that. I will do it when I’m ready. I really will. Until next time! Have a good week!

Disappointment and Achievements

Today is day 15. I should have posted something yesterday but I was very disappointed and so I needed to sulk and be unhappy for a little while. On my 14 day weigh in I had not lost a single ounce. 14 days of no cheating not so much as a grain of sugar, a bread crumb, a cracker! I was very sad. Then I started to think about what I had changed this week over the one before. 2 things had changed. I had added in eating a couple of table spoons of peanut butter as a “treat” to get me by. Every day at the end of the day I would get that peanut butter as a reward. Well I’ve stopped doing that. I had also started to cook many of my veggies in real butter as opposed to olive oil. I thought I could use the “good fat” well I’ve also knocked that off. Now, when I got on the scale this morning I was down 4.6. (Yes, I’m back to weighing every day) I can not handle the idea of working this hard for an entire week and seeing no results. I feel like I need the opportunity to intervene throughout the week. Bad, I know but hey it’s me and it is what it is. I can’t sweat small stuff like that right now. I need to focus and feel accomplished. I didn’t feel that this past week and it almost drove me to eating things that were really bad. I mean BAD! Now, onto something I am really super proud of… Yesterday was a co-workers birthday. We all sit and have lunch together every day so we also celebrate birthdays together. Well, a while back I had introduced my co-worker to the greatness that is Wegman’s chocolate cream pie. It’s my total weakness. My Goodness, it’s so good. It’s the best pie… ever. Anyway he fell in love with it too AND his boss brought one of those pies for his birthday yesterday. I know what you are thinking but I will have you know I DID NOT HAVE A SINGLE BITE!!! That’s right. I resisted. (I cried a little, just being honest). I couldn’t believe how strong my will power was! I was very proud of myself. I just kept saying 14 days, 14 days. Don’t throw away 2 weeks for 5 minutes of chocolate bliss. Then I also remembered that September 28^th is my reward day… I do believe I will have a small slice of chocolate pie on the 28^th with my Mexican food dinner. I still have to live my life right. I will say… this little lesson taught me that I can resist these things and I can have the self control I always claim I am lacking. I chose the things that go into my body and yesterday chocolate pie was not one of those things.

My best interest at heart

This morning I made a decision that it would be in my best interest if I didn’t have access to my scale. It’s also in the best interest of my goals. I can’t be trusted. I probably weighed at least 4 times yesterday. Yes, I am ready to admit I have a problem. Then the moment I got up this morning I was back on that scale. It’s not good to be like that. It gives my mind an excuse for cheating and I can’t have that. I’m setting myself up for disaster. So, with all that said I turned my scale over to Mike and he’s assured me it will be somewhere that I can’t find it. My hope is that it will be out of sight out of mind and I won’t go seek that thing out. I need to learn some self control. Mike knows that Tuesday morning will be my weigh in day and he will have the scale at the ready so I can check my progress and then it will disappear again until Tuesday rolls back around. He did state that he is open to bribes and I told him he should be more concerned with blackmail. LOL He knows what I’m talking about. HAha! I’ve really done well so far and this little writing thing has seemed to help. I mean, who wants to come and write about how bad you did… not me. I want to share good things I’ve accomplished. Like, the fact that I walked on the treadmill again for 35 minutes yesterday.

On another note, Steven (my 16 year old son who challenged me to this specific way of eating) and I have scheduled a little “congratulatory” meal to celebrate our accomplishments. We’ve scheduled this for September 28^th and I am really looking forward to it. It will only take place as long as we are able to stay strong and get through the next few weeks. I think we can do it. I have faith in us… plus the incentive for some good Mexican food is very hard to pass up.

I have several people who are inspiring me and pushing me to do well this time. Mike who tells me every day that I’m beautiful and supports me in my ups and downs in all of this. Jess who inspired me to do this blog and she checks on me almost every day. Steven who inspired my plan for eating healthy and my friend on Facebook Alicia who posts about her workouts every day and motivates me to get off my butt, I see that I’m not in this all alone and I need that.

Week One Results



Today marks the end of week one and the beginning of week two! I’m very happy to report that I am down 4 pounds! Woot! I started last Tuesday at 183.4 and I weighed in this morning at 179.4. I was very excited to see a 170 number of any sort. It gave me a big cheesy smile! This week was very hard but I stayed strong. I know I probably could have seen even more of a loss had I consistently worked out but I didn’t and that’s OK. I’m not going to beat myself up over it. I will just learn from it and do better this week. Yesterday, I cut my 1 hour lunch break in half. I ate my lunch quickly and spent the last 35 minutes on the treadmill walking. I didn’t walk fast but I still felt proud that I got on there. I plan to do it again today. I really only need 30 min to eat my lunch and the other 30 has been used to sit and BS with co-workers. I don’t really benefit from that so I have decided to use that time for ME. I’m excited to see where I will be at the end of this journey. I can honestly say this week was very motivating and I hope I can keep it up and move forward as strong as I am feeling today.



The dreaded weekend

Sometimes I dread the weekend because I feel like I de-rail and I can't stay on track for anything. This weekend was no different BUT I DID stay on track. I did a good job and I am really proud. I still am not in a normal workout routine and I'll probably be mad at myself on Tuesday when I get on the scale and realize how much more I could have lost had I been working out. It's OK though. If I don't lose anything it will be OK too. I'll know I tried and what I need to do to try harder.

Why do I lie to myself?

I guess we all do it. It’s a human trait we can’t escape. I promised myself I would not get on the scale every day and that was a total lie. I have gotten up every morning and jumped right on that thing and it’s told me the ugly truth every day. I NEED to stay off of that scale. It really discourages me and makes me lose focus. Today is day 4 and I’ve stayed strong each and every day. I’ve not failed or cheated once. I keep telling myself that if I just push through these first couple of weeks my lifestyle will have changed and I will be able to keep going. Now, I’m questioning if that is just a big lie I am telling myself too. It’s not been easy these last few days but I really didn’t expect it to be. I’m still lacking in the exercise department. I have chronic migraines and they really hinder me from working out hard these days. I’m getting treatment for them but it still is a daily challenge to set the pain aside and workout. But, you know I could go for a walk and probably be fine. I just don’t, I let my brain make excuses that my body just accepts. I need to get out of this way of thinking. It’s going to ruin everything I’m hoping to accomplish.  I have done a great job with my eating though. I think I’m feeling better about that too. The real test will be over the weekend… can I maintain my food schedule when I don’t have the structure of work around me??? Guess we will find out tomorrow!

Things are never simple...



The Beast



Many times I find that I have great plans to accomplish lots of things and then when it comes down to it I don’t even get ¼ of those things finished. Yesterday, I made a spreadsheet of things I would like to do each day in my house. Last night I went home and then had to help a child with homework along with make dinner do some laundry and so on… I didn’t accomplish one thing on that list. What I did do however was fall onto the couch with the remote at around 7pm. As I was sitting there I realized something. OK, maybe my three page list was a little ambitious. Then the guilt started regarding my workout. I skipped yesterday morning, was I going to skip last night to? If I was going to skip what was I going to blame it on, the fact that I had a really hard day at work? I didn’t find that as an acceptable excuse. I got up and threw on my shoes and hit the elliptical. Oh MY GRAVY! What was I thinking? My legs were like jelly! I had all of these grand plans to go for 30 minutes. Then reality set in and I made it a whole 15 minutes before I just about fell off the machine. Let me just say that the days of going hard for 45 minutes in a Taekwondo class are OVER! I am grateful I can walk today.

I guess I should be proud that I did SOMETHING as opposed to lying in bed and watching TV. While I’m highly disappointed that I didn’t go the full 30 minutes I’m happy I did 15. It was 15 more than I did yesterday right.

As far as food goes… I did GREAT yesterday. I had a protein shake and 2 eggs for breakfast which actually kept me full until lunch. At lunch I had a nice salad with some tuna salad on the side. I will admit I was more than ready for dinner though so I might have to watch that so I don’t start snacking the minute I walk in the door. Dinner I made some grilled chicken breast with green beans and spinach. It was delish! It might be the best chicken I’ve made in quite a while! Even the kids both ate all that was on the plate and that is shocking.

Around 11pm Mike comes home. I’m asleep in bed and he wakes me up as he is climbing in. He had his fantasy football draft last night. I wake up and look at the clock and ask him what took so long to get home and he says “I was hungry so I stopped for a burger” my instant response was “Did you bring me one?” he said no and promptly offered to go get me one. Why in the world did I ask that? NO! I don’t want a burger at 11pm! Yes, I felt hunger pains when he mentioned the food but if I would just lie back down and go back to sleep they would be gone. That is exactly what I did too! I said no and went back to sleep. I’m proud of that because I think had it been even just last week I would have said yes and sat in bed eating a burger at 11pm like there was no problem with that. I consider this a test that I passed! WooHoo!

This is the start of something great...



 Ahhh, The dreaded scale. When I stepped on mine this morning it made me want to cry. It lied to me (or maybe I'm lying to myself?) it said 183.4. That would mean I am just a few ounces shy of gaining 30 pounds in one year. I would like to shake my head and say "How did this happen?" but I know EXACTLY how this happened. Open mouth, insert food. Followed by stay on couch, do not move.

This blog is in part because my friend Jess encouraged me to post about this. The other part is that I need to hold myself accountable for my actions. I need to write about my success right along with my epic failures and I can assure you there will be many.

My goals are pretty simple. LOSE 50 POUNDS!I want to stay between 1200-1500 calories per day and 20-25 carbs. This should give me a pretty good balance. I don't want to log all my food and bore you with a daily diary of what I'm eating. I want to just check in and update you on the day to day things I encounter on my journey. I want to work out at least one time a day. AND!!! I will only weigh once a WEEK!!! I will not, I repeat I will NOT get on the scale every single morning. This is my weakness and a serious downfall for me! If I can keep myself off the scale I might have a shot for a change...

Now, I've already encountered my first failure. I told myself when I went to bed last night that I should get up at 5:15 this morning and hit the elliptical. Yeah, well that alarm went off and I slept on until about 5:45. The truth is I am not a morning person. I've struggled with insomnia for over 15 years and if I can get sleep at any point I will take it. I can't make myself get up and workout when there is valuable sleep to be had. I am not going to beat myself up over this any more. No, from now on I will make myself do at least 30 minutes in the evenings after work and if I have time I have a nice gym in my office I can use at lunch. Making myself feel bad about not getting up at the crack of dawn and working out will just discourage me so I'm going to stop that.

Maybe I can do this. Maybe I can't but either way... I'm going to write about it. So, read it or don't its OK either way... if you are working through weight loss too feel free to offer any advice and encouragement that you can. I'll appreciate it all.